


Scheduling difficulties

by boleyn13



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Bickering, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Getting Back Together, Humor, Idiots in Love, Loki and Stephen drive each other crazy, M/M, Mutual Pining, Romance, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 17:00:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16268528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boleyn13/pseuds/boleyn13
Summary: “That means you’re not interested?”“Didn’t you listen to me? He is crazy!”“Well, you’ve dated worse.”“Why are you trying to set me up?”“I am not saying that you should date someone twice your age and who has a problem with boundaries. But maybe… just maybe you should try to get a date with a person that isn’t an asshole. The last person you dated was that strange neuro-surgeon.”“Stephen.”“Right, he was an asshole.”“Of course he was an asshole. That’s what made him so attractive and interesting.”“No, it only makes him an asshole.”“Which is exactly what I am looking for in a relationship.”“Okay, I changed my mind. You should go on a date with the eccentric, crazy guy. At least he is nice.”An eccentric crime lord wants Thor to help him win his brother's heart. Too bad that Loki is still hung up on his idiot of an ex and his assisant Clint wants to bring him and the surgeon back together. Chaos ensues





	Scheduling difficulties

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everybody,
> 
> I wanted to write Loki/Grandmaster and ended up writing Loki/Doctor Strange. Mostly it's supposed to be funny, so I hope you'll find something to laugh in it :)

The shouting right in front of his door was rather unusual. Thor was used to that kind of behaviour at family meetings, but definitely not at work.

“Stop, you cannot enter the…”

Sif never got to finish the sentence and the door to Thor’s door flew open. For a second Thor was afraid it would rip out the joints. Another thing that only happened at family reunions. Looking up from his paperwork Thor saw a woman casually walking inside the room, Sif rushing after her, clearly more frustrated than Thor had ever seen her. “Mam, I told you that…”

“Are you Thor Odinson?” The unknown woman asked him and by the way she ignored Sif one might think that she hadn’t noticed her.

Before answering Thor took a good look at her. Dark blue pantsuit, waistcoat, white blouse. Black hair tied up in a loose ponytail. First impression was all business, but at the same time she seemed a little too rough. Judging by the tight cut of her clothes she was good in shape.

The two seconds filled with a lack of response from Thor were enough to make her frown impatiently and Sif behind her made the cut-throat sign. Damn, Thor hated customer complaints. “Yes, that’s me. What can I do for you?”

The woman dropped an envelope on Thor’s desk. “You have an appointment. Time and place are noted in there.”

As abruptly as she had stormed in the woman turned on her heels and walked out the door, leaving behind a confused Thor and a slightly murderous Sif. “Please don’t tell me that this was one of your one night stands and this is your invitation to the paternity test?”

“Why would she ask for my name if we already knew each other?”

“I didn’t ask if you knew each other. I asked if you had sex.”

“Always wonderful to hear that you have such a great opinion of me.”

Sif shrugged. “Dark-haired, tough, bad manners. Sounds exactly like your type. What does it say?” She nodded at the envelope and Thor raised an eyebrow at her. “Don’t you have a Krav Maga lesson? Right now?”

“Yes, sir.” Sif replied a bit too dismissively, but left anyway. Distrustfully Thor stared at the envelope in front of him and poked it with his pen. Ridiculous, the woman had touched it, therefore it couldn’t be poisoned. Sighing softly Thor ripped it open only to be severely disappointed, the envelope didn’t contain any explanation to the strange appearance. The name of a fancy restaurant. Wednesday afternoon.

No, this was definitely too strange. Thor threw the envelope into the dustbin and forgot about it one second later.

 ***

Who had ever said that having your own business was fun? Sure, most of the days Thor vastly enjoyed being his own boss and doing what he loved. Except for days when he wasn’t doing what he loved. Like doing taxes.

It was quite a relief when Sif knocked at his door and then stuck her head inside his office. “Thor, somebody wants to talk to you.”

That wasn’t everything, given her weirded out expression. Since Sif was one of these people who went through life with a stone-cold look on her face. Unfazed by everything. “Something wrong?”

“Don’t know. The guy is weird.”

Thor could deal with weird. Half of his life was dealing with weird people. “Alright, I prefer one weird guy over the paperwork. Tell him to come in.”

“Right…” Sif shook her head. “He is waiting in the gym. Said he didn’t like offices. They’re all work and no play. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. Don’t look at me like that. That’s what he said.”

Maybe a bit weirder than what Thor was used to. Still better than taxes. Getting up Thor followed Sif downstairs, not in the fancy foyer with the beautiful bar that he spent a fortune on, but into the actual gym. It was a Friday afternoon and therefore the gym was quite busy. Nevertheless it was the easiest task imaginable to spot the man Sif had been talking about. After all there was only one man who was wearing a suit, sitting on the treadmill, looking around the room with an almost childish smile. Just to be sure Thor shot Sif a glance and she held up her hands in a gesture that was definitely supposed to say ‘Don’t ask me, I have nothing to do with this’.

Thor still felt curious enough and walked over to the stranger. Early fifties probably, a flashy dark red suit that looked as eccentric as it looked expensive. His already grey hair was cut into a side part which looked pretty good. Merely the hipster glasses were definitely annoying Thor.

The man didn’t notice Thor until he was right in front of him and cleared his throat. That had never happened before. Thor wasn’t the kind of person that was easy to miss. For other reasons than the man in front of him.

“Sir, you wanted to talk to me?”

Finally the man looked up at Thor, cocked his head and his eyes slowly ran him up and down. “No, no, no, no. I don’t think so. No. That must be a mistake. Right? Topaz, tell him that’s a mistake.”

Topaz? Okay, so Thor also hadn’t noticed somebody. The bulky woman standing next to the treadmill should really get on it, she could use a workout. And a smile on her face. Almost scary. “Are you the owner of this gym? Thor Odinson?”

“Yes, that’s me.”

The man in the red suit laughed and looked at Thor as if he had made a terribly pathetic joke and he was only laughing sarcastically to point out how stupid this was. “No, you are not. You can’t be. I mean look at you.”

What was that supposed to mean? Sure, as the owner of this place Thor had to spend a bit more time behind the desk than he wanted to, but he was still in perfectly good shape. He was on the freaking ad for his gym for god’s sake. Why was he losing his time over this? “I’m sorry, but I don’t…”

Blatantly talking over him the stranger looked at Topaz. “Could scraper 142 have given us the wrong address? That would be a shame. I loved working with her. What was her name again?”

“Valkyrie.”

“Who?”

“Your privateye and muscle.”

“Right, the new girl.”

“She’s been working for you for over five years.”

“Does she now? Girl must be doing a great job.”

“Excuse me!” Thor waved his hands to get their attention. What kind of bizarre theatre act had he stumbled into? “I am a very busy man and if you don’t tell me…”

Once more he didn’t get to finish a sentence, because red suit guy turned back to him, rubbing his chin, squinting his eyes. That exaggerated mimic was seriously getting on Thor’s nerves. “You don’t happen to be related to a short-tempered, sassy, impolite lawyer with the most beautiful eyelashes the world has ever seen?”

And things immediately started to make sense. Thor should have known. Like everything awkward, strange and unpleasant in his life – it had always to do with Loki. Groaning softly Thor pinched the bridge of his nose. “Okay, listen. I don’t know anything about my brother’s cases. I have no idea who you are or why he is processing against you. Just let me make this clear, whatever you are here for, it’s not going to work. I’ve been through this before. You can threaten to ruin the gym and me to put pressure on my brother or to blackmail him to drop the case. Not going to happen. He doesn’t care. One guy once threatened to burn down our father’s house to get Loki to not call a key wittness. Loki reacted by sending him a package filled with matches. So try your thing somewhere else.”

Thor was already about to turn around when the man’s eyes lit up and the happiest smile appeared on his face. Okay, usual threats didn’t start that way.

“Oh, so this is the right place after all! Marvellous!” Suddenly the man got up to his feet in a surprisingly fluid motion and Thor noticed that he was even a little bit taller than him. Also he was incredibly lean. It would probably be impossible to tell his age if you only saw his back. “You actually are his brother. Most wonderful. We have much to talk about.”

“Listen, whatever Loki is…”

“My name is En Dwi Gast. People call me the Grandmaster, so you can do that too. Also I am madly in love with your brother.”

Thor’s mouth dropped open. That one was definitely new. “I’m sorry. I fear I don’t understand…”

“Me neither!” The guy… Gast exclaimed full of excitement. “You are such a boring, stereotypical jock and he is that elegant beauty with enough roughness around the edges. Did they drop you as a child? Or are you trying to compensate for something with all that sport? Not that I’m actually interested… They do look extraordinarily different, don’t they, Topaz?”

“Absolutely, sir. Shockingly so.”

“Indeed.”

This was all going too fast. Thor had trouble keeping up with what they were saying. “Uhm, he’s adopted.”

“Adopted!” Gast clasped his fingers together in obvious glee. “Do you hear that, Topaz? My love has a tragic backstory! No real parents. Left alone. That gives him layers and shades and makes him even more interesting. A dream come true.”

Thor must have stumbled in some parallel universe. He shouldn’t have smoked that one joint ten years ago at Fandral’s party. The consequences had kicked in very late, but here they were. “Look, I have no idea what is going on right now. So who are you and what do you want from me?”

“I think I’ve already introduced myself. Haven’t I, Topaz?”

“You have, sir.”

“Good, I tend to forget things when I am charmed by something and I am most definitely charmed by your brother.”

Okay, this man definitely wasn’t the first person to come here to talk about Loki, but usually that involved a lot more swearing and death threats. “Uhm… are you sure you are talking about the right person here? Loki. Uptown lawyer. Black hair that reaches slightly below his ear. Tall. Skinny. A smile that says ‘I will enjoy killing you’?”

“My soulmate. Yes.”

Releasing a long breath Thor suddenly felt dizzy. He would like to sit down for a bit. “Oh god…”

“No, it’s Grandmaster.”

“Mr… Master, nice to meet you… I guess. What can I do for you?”

Was that a bondage kind of thing? No, Thor didn’t even want to think about it. Gast looked like money, but except for that he couldn’t be Loki’s type. He had to be what… 20 years older than Loki? All that flashiness couldn’t attract Loki, right?

Smiling brightly Gast hooked his arm with Thor’s and walked them towards the foyer. “You see I adore your brother. The way he whooped the floor with the poor man who tried to sue me. Utterly cruel and still wonderfully elegant. Your brother is a jewel and I even love his name. Loki. Loki. Rolls off the tongue. Perfect. What’s your name, future brother-in-law?”

What the hell? “Uhm… Thor.”

“Horrible. All consonants. You need an E somewhere in there. Loki on the other hand… I think I should buy a small country and rename it after him. Topaz, what is that tiny nation in Italy called again?”

“San Marino?”

“No, the other one. The one where only old white men live.”

“The Vatican?”

“Yeah, that sounds about right.”

Oh god, that guy had obviously escaped from a mental institution.

“Now listen, Thor. Since we’re going to be a family I need a little bit of help from you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Despite the fact that we are obviously made for each other your brother has rejected all of attempts to court him. A shame really. I was hoping you could lend me a helping hand. The presents I keep sending your brother don’t seem to match his taste. I am a rather impatient creature, so I would like to speed things up a little bit. I am flying to Spain in a month and I would very much like to take your brother with me. Any advice for me what kind of gift would do the trick to win his gorgeous little heart?”

That had Thor stopping dead in his tracks. “Wait a second… you are here… to ask me for my help on how to get my brother go on a date with you?”

“Date. Engagement. Marriage. Everything is fine with me.”

Thor just wanted to go back to doing his taxes.

 ***

One week later Thor decided that it was enough. Gast was definitely persistent and shockingly generous. Within a week a delivery guy brought a new treadmill , a new espresso machine for the bar and then even an internationally famous sports figure showed up to sign autographs at Thor’s gym. That was all good for business, but also incredibly intrusive. Sooner or later there would be conditions and Thor really didn’t want to be pulled into Loki’s love life. Time to pay his little brother a visit.

The law firm was buzzing with clients and stressed lawyers and like always Thor immediately felt completely underdressed. He was always glad to get out of these places as soon as possible. Why did Loki have to work in a firm that looked like the exact copy from every law firm in every movie? No real walls to separate the offices, merely big windows. Well, at least there were blinds.

Heading towards Loki’s office Thor was sopped right at the door. “Hey, beefcake! How are you doing?”

Thor smiled as he saw Clint behind his desk right in front of Loki’s office. “Hey. Thanks, I’m fine. I’m dropping by to talk to Loki. He’s not at court?”

“Nope. On his phone, terrorising the consultant all day. Come on, I have to bring him these files anyway.” Clint waved with the files in his hand, then got up from his desk and pushed open the door to Loki’s office. Without knocking.

Instantly Thor heard the familiar, annoyed voice of his brother. “… need it to be idiot-proof. I’ve seen the jury. A bunch of rednecks. Better use simple words so we can be sure they understand you.” Loki’s eyes darted to them before he said goodbye and hung up. “Hello Thor.” That was all he got before his brother turned to Clint. “Thompson’s telephone records?”

“Here.” Not missing a beat Clint placed a folder in front of Loki.

“The history on the cops?”

“Here.”

“My six o’clock appointment?”

“Cancelled.”

“Table at Luigi’s?”

“Booked for 7:30. I got you a table at the window and the waiter you hate is not going to take a single step near you. Anything else, Mr. Odinson?” Clint smiled challengingly at Loki who scowled. “One day you’re going to screw up and I’ll fire you instantly.”

Thor was already tempted to smash his head against the wall. “You’re still doing that?”

“For some reason it’s so hard for your brother to admit that I am the best assistant he’s ever had.” Clint showed the biggest smirk imaginable and Loki grumbled. “Until I fire you.”

Yes, Loki’s brother was happiness made flesh. Why was that flashy, bright guy interested in him again?

“Then you would be stuck again with idiots who don’t want to get their hands dirty.”

Thor’s eyebrows shot up and Loki cleared his throat to change the topic. “Anyway, Thor… what brings me the pleasure of your visit? During office hours. When I am incredibly busy.”

Since this was going to take a while anyway Thor pulled up a chair and sat down opposite of Loki. “I need to talk to you, it’s urgent.”

“If it’s the family dinner, don’t worry. I tried my best, but I couldn’t come up with an excuse. Which means I will honour you with my presence.”

Wonderful, Thor could already hear the yelling and plates being smashed against the walls. “That’s not why I am here. Do you know a man named En Dwi Gast?”

Loki’s eyes ghosted over one of the files that Clint had given him and didn’t bother to look up from it. “Sure, he is a client. Last lawyer he had died or was a sucker… I don’t know, he became my client one month ago. I stopped an annoying lawsuit against him from happening.”

Thor turned his head to look at Clint who mouth the words ‘illegal box clubs’. Huh. That was unexpected. Thor would have guessed something more classy. Illegal gambling maybe.

“I am not allowed to talk about it anyway, so what do you want to talk about?”

“He happened to drop by at the gym a week ago. He asked me to help him to get you to go out with him.”

Behind him Clint burst out laughing and Loki’s eyes became narrow slits. “Why are you still here?”

“What? You think I’d miss this? No chance.”

“I said that I couldn’t help him. Obviously. Then he bought the club a new treadmill.”

Loki snorted and Clint only snickered. “A treadmill? I’ll add it to the list. Thor, have you any idea how much it is worth? The record until now is the Cartier watch.”

“He bought you a Cartier watch?!”

Loki shrugged. “I didn’t keep any of. Clint, send Gast a message and ask him to please stop harassing my brother.”

“He’ll be heartbroken.”

“Now!”

“Alright, alright.” Clint finally slipped out the door and Thor sighed in relief, because for him this was done now. Which didn’t mean that he didn’t want to know more. “So? What is the story with that man?”

Finally Loki leaned back in his chair to have an actual conversation. “He is crazy. I would say bi-polar, but there is no depressive phase. Everything he does has to be extreme. He’s attracted to me, so that has to mean that he loves me. It’s exhausting.”

“That means you’re not interested?”

“Didn’t you listen to me? He is crazy!”

Thor thought of the red suit, the big smile and the dreamy eyes when he talked about Loki. Then he shrugged. “Well, you’ve dated worse.”

“Very funny.” Loki pulled a face. “He is 60 years old.”

“What?!” Thor had trouble believing that. “Gotta give him props for that, he looks at least 10 years younger.”

“Still 30 years older than me.”

“You still dated worse.”

“What are you trying to set me up?”

Thor raised his hands in self-defence. “No. It’s just… it was nice to hear somebody talk positively about you. Usually the guys you date sound like they want to murder you.”

“You are exaggerating.”

No, Thor was telling the truth and nothing but the truth. “I am not saying that you should date someone twice your age and who has a problem with boundaries. But maybe… just maybe you should try to get a date with a person that isn’t an asshole.”

Putting on his bitch-face Loki crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I could have 10 dates today if I wanted to.”

“The last person you dated was that strange neuro-surgeon.”

Loki winced rather obviously. “Stephen.”

“Right, he was an asshole.” Thor had been so glad when Loki and the doctor had stopped seeing each other. That had been the definition of a toxic and unhealthy relationship. For everyone around them. Mostly.

“Of course he was an asshole. That’s what made him so attractive and interesting.”

“No, it only makes him an asshole.”

“Which is exactly what I am looking for in a relationship.” Loki replied drily and Thor groaned weakly. “Okay, I changed my mind. You should go on a date with the eccentric, crazy guy. At least he is nice.”

In response Loki only huffed, but Clint was nice enough to fill in the blanks. From his own desk. Shouting. “Told him the very same thing. He is still hung up on Strange.”

“Shut up!” Loki yelled, instantly losing his composure. “And find some dirt on Carter!”

Clint waltzed right back into the office. “I’ve told you, I checked everything. There is no dirt. The man has a completely clean vest.”

“Nobody has a white vest. Set Romanoff on him. Thor, thanks for dropping by, but I have work to do.”

“Hey, I am not leaving now when things just got interesting. Clint here was saying that you don’t go out with Gast, because you’re still into the doctor?” It happened so rarely that Thor got to have fun at Loki’s expense, he wasn’t going to miss out on this.

Clint was perfectly eager to join him at this party. “Totally. Last week I caught him listening to Strange’s playlist.”

Faking shock and great pity Thor put on hand over his heart. “Oh, Loki. Poor thing.”

Loki’s eyes darted from Thor to Clint, probably not being able to decide who to murder first. Then he mumbling through gritted teeth “The man has great taste in music, okay?”

“Yeah and he had that annoying habit of shushing people when they talked over a song that he liked. That’s what you’re rejecting an interested, wealthy man for?”

“I am not going out with a crazy crime lord!”

Okay, stop. Rewind the tape. Thor licked his lips which had suddenly gone dry. “Did you just say crime lord?”

“Duh.” Loki rolled his eyes. “Where do you think he got all the money from?”

“I don’t know. I kind of thought that guy would have trouble killing a fly.”

That picture actually had Loki laughing. “I don’t know if he is an animal activist. Drugs, illegal gambling, the boxing and god knows what. The perfect client. Definitely a ruthless killer whenever someone wants to mess with his business.”

Admittedly that was important information. “Still kind of your type.”

In response Loki glared at him while Clint burst out laughing one more. “Thor, you should come over more often.”

“Only over my dead body.” Loki muttered under his breath and Thor was immensely enjoying this. “In all seriousness, everybody is better than the surgeon.”

“I dunno. His car is awesome.” Clint joined in although nobody needed his comments.

“My brother doesn’t date anybody over a car. Strange is not worth pining over.” Seriously that guy was a jackass. He had to let everybody know all time how clever he was. Thor only accepted that in a person when they were related with him.

“I am only going to say this once. I am not pining over Stephen Strange. I broke up with him for a reason. He is an annoying, sarcastic, know-it-all who is completely obsessed with his work.” Loki grimaced at every word and Clint nodded. “Yeah, it can only end up in disaster when you are dating yourself.”

“Why am I still employing you?”

“Because you secretly love me?” Clint patted his eyelids and Loki immediately got up to his feet. “That’s it. I’m going to court. You can stay here all you want, I am out of here.”

Unfortunately for him Loki didn’t get too far, only to the door of his office. He almost bumped into a young man. “I am sorry, I have a delivery for Loki Odinson.”

“Yes, that’s me.”

“Another present!” Clint exclaimed joyfully and ripped the package out of the deliverer’s hands. Loki merely watched in defeat as his assistant opened it. “Oh, that’s so lame. It’s just a map… he marked an island in the South Pacific. Perhaps he wants to take you there on holiday. Wait, there is more… legal documents… Holy shit, he bought you an island! This is amazing!”

“Sweet Jesus…” Loki covered his face with both of his hands. “This has to stop. I’ll call him.”

Thor knew that he probably shouldn’t laugh, but he couldn’t help himself. “Well, did Strange ever buy you an island?”

The look Loki sent him was murderous.

 ***

So as it turned out Carter was completely faithful to his wife, always paid his taxes and had never even run a light. Loki was going to kill Clint. His boss hated it when he couldn’t make the other party look bad. Clint couldn’t possibly dig any deeper.

“Hello there, busy bee.”

Oh, the day had just got interesting. Smiling brightly Clint looked up from his desk and there he was. En Dwi Gast in all his glory. A golden suit this time. Clint would come back as a ghost if somebody should bury him such an outfit. “Good day, Grandmaster. Are you here to see Loki?”

“Indeed. What is my soulmate doing?”

“Brooding over case files. Horribly boring. He’ll be thrilled to see you.”

“Most wonderful.”

Clint hurried to get up and knocked on Loki’s door before pushing it open. “Mr. Odinson, the Grandmaster is here to see you.” And the door was definitely going to stay open, Clint wasn’t going to miss this for the world.

Loki put on his charming face as it was nothing. Inwardly he had to be screaming. “Mr. Gast, what can I do for you?”

“Don’t ask me that question if you can’t deliver, sweetness. I am just here to take a look at your loveliness.”

They should take money from Clint, it was that good of a show.

“Listen, Mr. Gast…”

“Grandmaster.”

“Grandmaster, right… I am immensely flattered by your attention and interest. Who wouldn’t be thrilled to catch the eye of a man like you? Nevertheless I am your lawyer. I want to maintain a professional relationship. Therefore I have to ask you to only come here if you are seeking legal advice from me.”

“Alright, star shine, I perfectly understand. I am here to seek your legal advice… and to look at your marvellous eyes. Are you doing anything special to make them so green?”

Smooth. Clint had to give the dude some credit.

He heard Loki sigh softly. “I am listening. What is the problem?”

“I ran over a stop sign.”

“Then you will have to pay the fee. Not really a case.”

“What if I wanted to sue the city for putting up those terrible signs that stop me from getting to you faster? That is some form of cruelty.”

“Again, not a case.”

“I see… I have a lot of business partners. I am sure I can get one of them to sue me.”

Clint had to bite his tongue so hard. It was wonderful, he was loving every second of this. It took Loki about half an hour until he had got rid of Gast and then he looked definitely destroyed. Obviously Clint had to be a dick about it. “Can I congratulate? Are you engaged yet?”

“I am too drained to tell you that you’re fired.”

Loki slumped deeply into his chair, rubbing his temples. Good thing that Clint could make the situation even worse. “Can I distract you with work?”

It was almost cute how hopeful Loki suddenly looked. “Yes, please.”

“Doctor Strange called. For legal advice.”

“You are such an asshole.”

It were days like these that made Clint love his job. “Hey, I am not making this up. Since you helped him before, he recommended you to a colleague of his who has trouble with a former patient.”

“If the name Christine Palmer is going to leave your lips anytime soon, I will personally reach down your throat and rip out your heart like this.”

Yeah, Clint loved his job. “So I can call Doctor Strange and tell him to go fuck himself?”

“No!”

“Right, you are so not over it.”

“I broke up with him!”

“Sure…”

“I am not interested in that… man anymore. I was only into his money anyway. His accent is weird and he dies his hair, because he’s way too proud to admit that his sideburns are turning grey. Also his face is way too pale and he still refused to grow a beard. And what was that strange insistence on always using the right definition of a word? Who gives a crap about what’s the difference between a cloak and a cape?!” By the end of this rant Loki had raised his voice and it kinda seemed ridiculous now that this man was always completely collected and ice-cold in court. Well, everybody had a weak spot. This was probably a good time for Clint to shut up. “If you want the surgeon back so badly, why don’t you go out with the crazy crime lord to make him jealous?”

Loki threw at case file at him.

 ***

Why was Thor doing this? This was stupid. It wasn’t going to make his life any better. Was he trying to be a good brother? Thor wasn’t even sure about that. Those two had been a horrible combination, making everybody around them suffer with their antics.

Fine, Thor was already here, now he had to get on with it. The nurse behind the counter was pretty, so at least there was that. “Hello, I am here to see Doctor Strange. Please, tell me that he is in surgery and won’t be done for the next 10 hours.”

Yep, even her frown was cute. “You’re in luck, sir. Doctor Strange just finished surgery. He’s right over there.” She pointed behind her and Thor groaned inwardly. Just his luck. “Thank you.”

Turning around Thor instantly spotted Strange strolling down the hall. Thor remembered that walk. The ‘I own the entire fucking place and the world’ walk. Loki had such crappy taste in men.

Why was Thor here again? “Stephen, hey!”

Strange stopped, looked up from his tablet and he was clearly as happy to see Thor as the other way round. “What did your brother do?”

“Don’t I get a hello?”

“Hello Thor. What did your brother do?”

Frankly, did that man ever smile? “Nothing. I was in the neighbourhood and I thought I’d drop by to ask how you are doing. How are you doing?”

Strange showed his usual patronizing gaze. “I get why you never joined the family business. You are a terrible liar, you’d suck as a lawyer.”

Not even a minute into the conversation and Strange had already insulted him. Okay, Thor could do that too. “Fine, no need to be nice then. What happened to your face?”

Actually Thor was surprised to see the hint of a reaction in Strange’s eyes. His hand even came up to touch the goatee that hadn’t been there six months ago. “Thank you for showing interest in my appearance. Are we done now? I have a couple of brain surgeries on my schedule. You know, saving lives. I am sure you have also things that you need to take care of. Like explaining people how not to fall of the treadmill.”

Yeah, fuck that guy. Loki deserved better. Then again Thor didn’t actually want him to get involved with a criminal. It was fun to annoy him though. Why did Loki only attract these weird guys?

“Fine, I wanted to talk with you about Loki.”

“Here we go. I am not interested in what your brother is doing. The quality of my life has skyrocketed since I don’t have to listen to him whining about how unfair your father is every night anymore. It’s also so much easier to go to any restaurant without having somebody with you who antagonizes every single waiter.” Strange huffed, shaking his head slightly.

Thor was opening his mouth to defend Loki when he had to admit, yeah, this sounded exactly like his brother. “I don’t need you to be interested, I just need some information. There is this insanely rich man that Loki is going out with.”

“Oh the poor soul…”

“And I quite like him, so I don’t want the entire thing to go up into flames like it did with you guys. So could you please tell me everything that you thought you did right in your relationship, then I’m going to tell him what he certainly cannot do.”

There. Doctor Stephen Strange stared at Thor with his mouth open. In a completely non-dignified way. Which was amazing and almost made up for some of the shit that he had made Thor go through. Unfortunately Strange quickly got a hold of himself again. “Very funny. The reason this relationship didn’t work out was that your brother is a pesky, little shit who can’t stand it when things don’t go his way. And his annoying habit of quoting Shakespeare all the time. It doesn’t make him sound smart, it makes him sound like a snob!”

Strange stalked away and Thor called Clint to tell him that he had no idea if that had went down perfectly or horribly wrong.

*** 

Fuck him, that chocolate was delicious. Clint licked his fingers, not carrying that it might not look very appropriate to do so at the workplace. But hey, Loki had told him that he didn’t want to see a single one of the present anymore, so Clint stored them behind his desk. If they were small enough. It’s Austrian chocolate. Clint had no idea why this stuff wasn’t more famous. People were always talking about Belgian chocolate or from Switzerland. Boring. This stuff was amazing.

Today was the most perfect day. Clint had already taken care of all of his duties, Loki had been on the phone with a judge for half an hour now and Clint was eating chocolate. Fucking fantastic.

Then things only got better. Clint sat up straight as he saw a familiar face with an unfamiliar beard covering it. Stephen Strange walked by a dozen secretaries, not even glancing at any of them. Always terribly focused. Today was going to be the best day of Clint’s life.

Strange stopped in front of Clint and acknowledged him with a short nod. “I need to talk to him.”

“Did you make an appointment, Doctor Strange?” Clint asked with a sweet smile and Strange’s eyes turned into daggers. “You would know if I had an appointment, because I would have called you to make one.”

“Right. Then I am afraid you will have to wait. Mr. Odinson is very busy.”

“Barton, you may remember that I am not a very patient person. I could easily start making a scene if I have to wait one second longer.”

“Doctor Strange, as you might remember I am the last person to stop you from making a scene.”

“Or you could just let me inside and talk to him. What do you think is going to be more fun for you? Me out here alone? Or me with him inside there?”

Clint was on his feet instantly, opening the door to Loki’s office. “Doctor Strange for you, boss. He doesn’t look very happy.”

Neither did Loki. Clint was going to love this.

Loki, who had obviously already ended his phone call, put on the face that he used when he talked to the opposing lawyer. Blank with a little hint of contempt. “What are you doing here?”

Strange stepped in front of Clint, his tone matching Loki’s face. “I need your services. I am being sued.”

“How untypical for you.” Loki huffed. “Can’t you go an entire mouth without being sued?”

“The patient was a sensitive prick.”

“Aren’t they always?” Sighing Loki shook his head. “You simply can’t help yourself but start a fight with everyone.”

Kinda reminded Clint of someone, but he would let Loki figure that out on his own.

“So what are you going to do about it? After all you’re still my lawyer and you’ve handled cases like that for me before. I don’t want to go through all the trouble of getting a new lawyer. If you can be professional about it.”

“I am nothing but professional.” After turning a page in his notebook Loki pressed his pen against the paper. “Alright. What did you say this time?”

“I told a severely obese patient that if he didn’t lose weight, he was going to die.”

Clint raised an eyebrow and Loki merely sighed impatiently. “And which words did you use exactly to give him that medical advice?”

Exasperatedly Strange shrugged. “The terms… fatso, lazy ass and people like you are the reason why this country is never going to have proper health insurance although the rest of the world is laughing at us and Breaking Bad in any other country wouldn’t have made sense, because the fucking health insurance would have covered Walter White’s medical bills….”

Not allowed to laugh. Clint couldn’t laugh, because then they would kick him out of the room and he would miss the rest. If Loki thought it was funny he didn’t let it show, he merely took a few notes. “Alright, nothing we haven’t had yet. I’ll use the same strategy as last time. Doctor Strange saved your stupid, worthless life, so how dare you to sue him you worthless piece of shit. Give me half a day and after you’ve paid my insanely high bill, you can forget about all of it.”

“Right…” Strange dragged out the ‘I’ far too long for anyone not to become suspicious. “About that…”

Putting down the pen Loki glared at him. “Stephen?”

“I did not save his life, because I did not operate on him, because he is not my patient.” How adorable to hear Stephen Strange almost being sheepish.

Both of Loki’s eyebrows met his hairline. “So what? You waltzed into the room of a random patient and insulted him?”

“It was a little more complex than that, but I guess… a lawyer could sum it up like that.”

“That’s a new record, even for you.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. Can we focus on what can be done about this? I don’t have time all day.” Strange muttered impatiently and Clint couldn’t help himself anymore. “I’ve got a question, Doctor Strange and it might be relevant for your case.”

“Shoot.”

“Did you insult a random patient in hope you’d get sued so you’d have a pretext to talk to your ex-boyfriend again?”

Clint could have also put on a thong and danced the Macarena on Loki’s desk, their reaction would have been the same. Utter shock. Okay, the dance scenario would have also resulted in a bit of sexual arousal, but the shock was also okay. Since both of them were heartless bastards they pretty quickly regained their composure. Strange looked like a robot when he addressed Clint. “Last time I checked I neither had a brain tumour, nor was I crazy. Thank you very much, Barton.”

“Although I disagree with the crazy part, I have to admit that Stephen never needed a reason to make stupid decisions that could endanger his career. As long as he could torment his patients.” Loki tapped his pen against the notepad.

“The guy was an idiot. People should point that out to him more often.”

Okay, that had all been fun and games, but now Clint was getting frustrated again. “Since this seems to now be an actual appointment, should I cancel dinner and order in for you, boss?”

“Yes, that sounds good.”

“The usual? Dum aloo?”

Clint mentally patted himself on the shoulder when Strange frowned. “You hate Indian food. I had to drag you by the hair to my favourite restaurant.”

Yes, Clint was an evil mastermind.

Why was Loki still keeping his cool? “Barton is trying to be funny. I threw out all the brochures for Asian take-away the second we broke up.”

“Exactly and he definitely doesn’t order any of that stuff when he’s working overtime and feels blue. When he is not eating Indian foot he is also not listening to…”

“Barton! Shut up, get out and bring Stephen a cup of coffee! Milk and lots of sugar.”

“I drink my coffee black.”

“I know, that’s why I said milk and lots of sugar.”

Rolling his eyes so Loki could definitely see it Clint stomped out. Bunch of idiots. Both of them. He needed more chocolate to deal with them. Chocolate… huh. Clint just had a brilliant idea. Loki was going to hate him for this, but hey, what is life without a little fun?

 ***

Inwardly Clint had been jumping up and down the entire day. He couldn’t remember something else he had been looking forward to with such excitement. It was going to be a work of art. The ultimate trolling and maybe he would even bring two truly fucked up hearts back together. Deep down Clint was a die-hard romantic. That was why the ladies loved him.

Loki was already stressed out, because all of his most obnoxious clients only happened to have time to see him that very day. Clint had tried his very best, but there been nothing he could do. Anyway, Loki was into his third cup of coffee and first scotch when Clint waltzed in, happy as a child on Christmas day, to hand him the new files. “Last appointment of the day. Almost done, boss. Doctor Strange will be here any minute.”

The eyes that looked up from his phone were comically wide. “You mean Gast. Gast is supposed to be here any minute.”

Feigning complete innocence Clint shook his head. “No, Doctor Strange. You will talk about the settlement.”

“Barton, if this is your idea of a joke, I will axe-murder you! I am a lawyer, I know how to get away with that!”

“Calm down, boss. I put it on your schedule and you confirmed.”

“You put Gast on my schedule!” It was so hard not to grin when Loki’s voice reached an uncharacteristically high pitch. Rapidly Loki swiped through his phone and then shoved it right into Clint’s face. “See! Right there! 4:30 – En Dwi Gast!”

Okay, this had to be good. Time to put on his ‘I am slightly ashamed that this is the first time I’ve ever fucked up’ face. “I’m sorry, boss… I must have sent you the wrong information. I confirmed Doctor Strange’s appointment on the phone yesterday.”

And here was the hardest lawyer of the whole city going into complete panic mode. “What?! Both of them are going to show up?! Here?! Now?! You better start running, because I will strangle you with my bare hands!”

“What about the axe?”

The vein on Loki’s forehead was just about to pop when…

“Oh my heart’s delight, what a feast for my sore eyes. You seem to be in a state of great emotional excitement. I hope I am the reason for that.”

Clint was going to love every single minute of this.

Loki was still trying to put on the mask of the sovereign, all knowing lawyer when the Grandmaster had already walked up to him and gracefully took a hold of his hand. Only to kiss it. Now that had even Loki blushing which was quite an achievement. After all this guy had had sex with Strange on the office printer. Clint would never again come back after having already left the office, because he had forgotten something. Only god knows what those two had done at the hospital. Completely unable to separate private and professional life.

“Grandmaster, I am sorry beyond words, but my assistant messed up and therefore we have a scheduling conflict. Would it be possible for you to reschedule your appointment? You know I wouldn’t ask you if there was any other way.” Clint had to leave it to Loki, that guy could go from murderous to sweet damsel in distress from two seconds.

The Grandmaster actually pouted. “But I have been looking forward to see you all day.”

“Me too.” Clint couldn’t help himself.

“I haven’t been able to sleep last night and you want to rob me off the highlight my day? I could never forgive you.”

Loki forced himself to smile and the Grandmaster still hadn’t let go of his hand. “I am sure there is a way for us to come to an agreement, otherwise you would have me ending up in a horribly unpleasant situation. Please don’t do that to me.”

“Oh, I would never dare to make you unhappy… but leaving you would make me unhappy. And I don’t like to make myself unhappy. Isn’t that a horrible predicament?”

By now Loki was so desperate that he even glanced at Clint, searching for help. Well, he wasn’t going to find any of that here. Why wasn’t Strange here yet anyway?

“How about we reschedule for tomorrow? It’s my day off, but I will make time for you.”

“That sounds like the beginning of an idea.”

“5 o’clock?”

“I will pick you up at 7. I’ll rent out the Rainbow Room. Would you mind putting on a suit that isn’t black? A lithe blue would definitely bring out your eyes. Oh, nevermind, I’ll have the suit delivered to your apartment.”

Loki was biting his lip so hard he could start bleeding any second. “Alright then.”

“Most wonderful! Then I will see you tomorrow night, cupcake!” Instead of leaving the Grandmaster kissed Loki’s knuckles once more and Clint heard steps behind him. Oh, this was going to be so good.

“Loki, why is this man calling you an overrated dessert and why haven’t you murdered him yet?”

Perfect, now Clint was just going to stand in the corner and watch disaster unfold.

Strange looked a bit bewildered, but his eyes were filled with distrust and attentively fixed on the Grandmaster. Who was still holding Loki’s hand. Loki himself was as pale as a sheet and the eccentric crime lord smiled brightly at Stephen. “Hello there, wanderer. How are you doing?”

“Not so great, I fear. It’s a bit crowded in here, I don’t like that.”

Finally Loki pulled his hand out of the Grandmaster’s grasp, muttering “Hell is empty, and all the devils are here.“

“Oh for god’s sake, Loki! Stop quoting Shakespeare! You are an accomplished lawyer, not a liberal arts student who tries to impress girls!” Strange groaned in frustration and that did the trick with Loki. His face turned from white to red. “Don’t tell me to shut up! I always win the case when I quote Shakespeare in court.”

“This is your office, not a courtroom!”

“It helps me to relax when I am nervous!”

Where had Clint put the popcorn?

Now the Grandmaster was joining the conversation. “Do I make you nervous, sweetness? How utterly perfect of you.”

Clint swore there was a neon-sign blinking over Strange’s head and it was saying ‘What the fuck?’. “Perhaps I should introduce myself. Doctor Stephen Strange.”

“What and odd name. Well, you have a very funny face, so I guess it fits.”

“And your name is?”

“Grandmaster.”

Strange blinked then looked at Loki. “Is this a joke?”

Pinching the bridge of his nose Loki sighed. “Oh, I wish…”

Oblivious to what was going on the Grandmaster kept checking Strange out. Then excitedly clapped his hands. “Oh, now I get it! Strange because of the way you dress! This is a really nice cloak.”

Clearly offended Strange adjusted his collar and tugged at his purple scarf before growling. “It’s not a cloak. It’s a cape coat!”

“Nobody cares about the damned difference, Stephen!” Loki snapped and Strange immediately shot back. “People shouldn’t use words when they don’t know what they mean! This is why the rest of the world thinks Americans are stupid!”

“No, you make people think you’re an uptight control freak with no idea on how to have fun!”

“At least I can go an entire hour without blaming my father for everything that went ever wrong in my life! Including the time the waiter brought me Sauvignon Blanc instead of Chardonnay.”

“That waiter was doing that on purpose and my father is a regular customer at that restaurant. I know that he paid him off.”

“He probably brought you the wrong wine, because you were a jerk to him.”

“Excuse me? You are going to judge me, because I am being a jerk to other people?! May I remind you how we’ve met, Doctor ‘I told a woman that the aneurysm I just cut out of her head was probably the only functioning part of her brain, so she’s suing the shit out of me and I need a new lawyer, because my last one is suing me too.”

“That woman thought that American Pie was originally sung by Madonna! And she said that after the operation! And you called my former lawyer a bumbling idiot who is still believing in Santa Claus.”

Since the sexual tension was reaching its peak, Clint was unable to hold back. “Get a room, you two! You know the way to the copy room.”

Both of them stabbed him with their eyes while the Grandmaster huffed amusedly. “This is fun. The two of you really amusing. Did you practice that beforehand?”

“Seriously, Loki, who is this guy and why was he kissing your hand?” Strange sounded a little calmer now, but Clint wasn’t going to be fooled by that.

“Because how could I spend a single second breathing the same air as this lovely creature and not wanting to cover all of his skin with kisses of wild, feverish desire?”

Staring at Loki Strange gaped. “Did you hear that? Seriously? How can he say something like that right next to you without you kicking his ass for it?”

Crossing his arms in front of his chest Loki glared at his ex-boyfriend. “Well, maybe because someone once told me that my short-temper is the one of a child and my snark is only a self-defence mechanism that is proof of little self-confidence. Maybe I am trying to change.”

“Who the hell would want that?! People changing things about themselves is a horrible idea.”

“Ha! Then why are you suddenly wearing a beard!” Loki exclaimed victoriously and Strange squirmed. “Because… I got in a horrible car accident and I have scar tissue all around my mouth… Okay! You were right! I look better like this. I get compliments all the time. Yesterday a nurse told me the grey sideburns make me look a sophisticated British Lord. That’s pretty awesome…”

Clint could see the corners of Loki’s mouth twitch which the lawyer was quickly trying to hide. Then he mumbled reluctantly “Well, it’s true. You look great… and I immediately knew that this was a cape…”

“Thanks.” Strange mutter sheepishly and then there was silence.

Really?! Had Clint have to smash their heads together? Stalking over to Loki Clint elbowed him ungently in the rips. “Come on! Tell him about how you’re always listening to his favourite playlist when you’re working overtime.”

“You already told him that!”

“He needs to hear it from you, you idiot!” Clint was tempted to kick him in the shin, but it wasn’t necessary.

“Okay, okay…” Clearing his throat Loki shifted from one foot to the other. “I like to listen to your playlists when I am alone in the office. They relax me and… I don’t know, it makes me feel good.”

“And?” Clint nudged him again.

“What?!”

“The Indian food?”

Loki moaned. “I still think it’s disgusting… but you like it and we went out to have Asian food once a week and… I am a sentimental fool, okay? Also, Barton is so going to be fired.”

Good boy… well, except for the being fired part.

Finally one person in the room was smiling. Except for the Grandmaster. Strange could actually look nice. “You just died a little inside, didn’t you?”

“I am still dying!”

“Okay, let’s get even then… during the last couple of weeks I started reading a lot of Shakespeare. Seems like I am also a sentimental fool. Oh and I don’t hate it when you quote Shakespeare. I actually love it when you insult people by quoting Shakespeare and they have no idea what is happening.”

“In that case – Clint is a poisonous bunch-backed toad and I’ll beat him, but I would infect my hands.”

“Hey!” Clint gasped. “Just because I have no idea which play you stole that from doesn’t mean I don’t know when I am being insulted!”

He was also being ignored. Clint could live with that since he could see magic happening right there in front of him. Strange and Loki looking at each other with a softness that had been there before their nasty break-up. Loki was still completely the girl since Strange had to take the first step. Literally and figuratively. “Listen, Loki… I’m still getting sued and… perhaps we should discuss the strategy at the Italian place we’ve always wanted to check out?”

This time Clint didn’t even have to step on Loki’s toes for him to say the right thing. “Yeah about the lawsuit… I spoke with the patient’s lawyer three days ago. After three seconds I’ve had him in tears. They’re going to drop the complaint. I know I could have told you earlier, but… I kinda didn’t want to.”

“Good, because it would have been really embarrassing to pay a lot money to a fat jerk that I only insulted anyway to have a pretext to come here.” Strange laughed lightly and Loki smiled, not making a stupid comment. This had to be real love.

“We can still have dinner, right? Without a lawsuit?”

“Sure and you can boss the waiters around as much as you want.”

They were so close now, Clint wished he could play the violin for them. Some shitty romantic tune. Another thing that they didn’t need. Just when Strange was leaning in to kiss Loki the Grandmaster reminded them of his presence by clearing his throat. Shit, Clint had somehow forgotten about him.

Oh, he suddenly didn’t look so happy anymore. Actually he looked pretty damn scary and ready to blow shit up.

“I would not do that if I were you, my strange friend. You see, this precious little gem is my star shine, the bone of my existence, the sweet melody that allows me dream at night and if you only touch one of his gorgeous pores, you will first have to give me that fabulous cloak and then I will cut your body into tiny little parts. Starting by your feet. I won’t do it personally of course, I cannot ruin the suit, but I have several people working for me who are nasty, ugly people and who never experienced love. They have no trouble doing that sort of thing.”

Oops, Clint should have thought of that. Crazy crime lord…

Now Loki’s face was back to pale and Strange arched an eyebrow. “Is that guy for real?”

“Nothing can be more real than the undying love and affection I have for my little Loki and I will not stop at anything to…”

“Loki! Throw out these clowns, I need your help to sue dad!”

Everybody’s head spun around to see a tall woman with pitch-black hair and an insanely amount of eyeliner standing in the door. Somehow she managed to look even scarier than the Grandmaster. Well, Clint had always been afraid of Emos.

“Hela, now is not the best time…” Loki croaked helplessly and was promptly interrupted by the Grandmaster’s excited, bright and joyful tune. “By all the stars in the sky, who is this magnificent creature? So much anger and fury! And passion! Oh, you make me want to put you in a little glass container to marvel at you all the time!”

Okay, what the hell was going on here?

The woman, Hela, tilted her head and looked the Grandmaster up and down. “Hey, are you the guy who organizes the box fights in downtown Manhattan? I lost a fortune, because of your stupid champion.”

“He is quite the beast, isn’t he? Will you let me try to earn your forgiveness by taking you out to dinner and staring into your eyes adoringly for the rest of the night?”

Hela squinted. “You paying?”

“Of course, my queen of the night.”

Shrugged she nodded. “Sure.”

Clint opened his mouth to shout out a warning, but Loki elbowed him into the rips. Hard. While Clint was gasping for air Hela and the Grandmaster left without even looking at them. Kind of rude.

“Shouldn’t you have warned your sister that he is completely crazy?” Strange asked Loki who huffed. “You mean we should have warned him. There is eccentric, then there is crazy, insane and then there is Hela. As long as I don’t have anything to do with it, it’s all fine by me.”

Not very interested Strange nodded. “Okay. Let’s get out of here. Dinner is waiting for us.”

“Sounds great.”

They kissed shortly and Clint was the greatest match-maker of all time. Okay, technically they were getting back together, but who cared about the details. “So boss, since I reunited you with your one true love… how about I get a raise?”

Loki gave him his famous bitch-face. “Thine face is not worth sun burning.”

Laughing softly Strange wrapped his arm loosely around Loki’s waist. “I love it when you do that. Come on, let’s go.”

Why had Clint thought again that those two needed to get back together?


End file.
